There seem to be a lot of click-bait articles floating around, whether it be on Thought Catalog, Buzzfeed, or even Business Insider, about people who have (had) these really great careers, but packed up their bags and ditched it for a life abroad or some dream they finally decided to chase. The articles generally have a very upbeat tone, and you read it thinking, "Wow, good for them! They are so brave! What an adventure!" While all of this is true, I think most, if not all, of these articles leave out that section of the person's life where they closed up shop and were in limbo. They all went through the transition; you don't just start over in a day, in a new life with a home and a job and a network. "When one door closes, another one..." yeah I know the saying. But it isn't literal, and it isn't immediate.
So here is what starting over looks like.
On my last day in the Army, I screamed. I was alone, in my car. I released a loud, guttural cry of anger and frustration driving from CIF (this is where I turned in all of my equipment) to my unit's headquarters. It was the most emotionally violent moment I think I have ever experienced, and it felt like I was never going to actually get off post and be out of the service.
During the week of packing up our home, there was a lot of arguing, a lot of silent treatment given (show me someone who handles moving well and I'll show you a goddamn liar).
On the day we left Kansas, we spent 2-3 hours commuting between a bank and a car lot to sell my Love's Jeep. Our whole life in the moving van with us, everything stuck on trying to sell a Jeep as we are leaving town.
On the day we got to Chicago, neither our keys nor our landlord were present. Chicago streets are small and busy, and here we are with a moving van full of household goods and nowhere to put them. I had to travel for 80 minutes to go get our keys from a landlord who couldn't even apologize for kind of fucking up our moving day. Welcome to the Windy City.
A week after being in a new place, still unpacking, we found that my Love had cancer and was scheduled for surgery a few days later. Ignoring the fact that he had to deal with, you know, having cancer...surgery comes with recovery. Recovery comes with not working. New, expensive city, one part-time job between the two of us.
Winter had fluctuations and more jobs, but wasn't so great. Then springtime came.
Here is also what starting over looks like.
I've been able to visit a huge chunk of family members twice that I hadn't seen since 2011. The ability to travel and visit while on active duty is so inhibited that if you have family spread across the country, you will always have to choose who to see. Prioritizing people that you love is awful. And I don't have to do it anymore.
I feel like I have reconnected with friends who the Army wedged me away from, simply because they weren't in the military and/or they were far away.
I have maybe one or two drinks a week now. During my active time, binge drinking with your friends was kind of just what young LTs did. My liver is much happier.
I found out that I really enjoy paddleboarding, exploring neighborhoods, escape rooms, and cooking. REAL cooking. My only hobby as an Officer was worrying.
My Love and I both have jobs that not only pay the bills, but fit snuggly into our areas of interest. He comes home and often mentions how therapeutic some of his tasks were that day. I get to wear leggings to work, which is therapy all on its own.
It may seem like a small victory, but now physical training is done only when I want, and how I want. Being forced to do it was awful. I hated every Army obstacle course (except Malvesti and Darby Queen because #Ranger #girlboss), but now I'm always look for an obstacle course run or race.
So that's it. That's the piece you don't get to read about. Closing a chapter in your life, starting over, whatever you want to call it, is not a clean and quick process. There are jagged edges, unfinished business, and loose ends. It took a good 6 months for things to start to come together and find a rhythm, give us a feeling of belonging here. Those months were ugly, but if we just keep climbing from here, they were worth it. If you think that your life a year from now, from today, will have you in a place that is worth half of that time being really shitty, then you should go for it.
Good luck, friends. We'll get back to nutrition and fitness related topics in the next post!
