The Things That Stay

they don't tell you about the things that stay. No warnings.

"It gets worse before it gets better."
"You need some time alone."
"You need to get out there and have fun!"
"For every 6 months you dated, it takes 1 month to get over."

Sure, they tell you what you already know. What you have told your friends before, when you saw them broken on the floor.

They don't tell you that the next time a man raises his voice at you, you'll wince. Even worse, if you're both alone, you'll take a step back.  They don't tell you, so you dig to not be afraid, to stand your ground with a facade of bravery. And nothing bad happens. Because he is not the one before.

They don't tell you that when you new boyfriend goes out to drink, that you'll spend the night wondering if he'll be home in an hour or in five hours. If he'll text you just to say he never wants to go home. They don't tell you, so your shocked by the pain of staring at your phone in paralyzed fear. But the text doesn't come. And he comes home on time. Because he is not the one before.


They don't tell you how wary you will be of this new boyfriend when he drinks. Watching him for warning signs of losing control, drinking in excess, drinking in anger. You wonder, no, fear being with another man who develops an uncontrollable problem. But he knows when to put the glass down and go home, and he never blames you for a drinking problem that doesn't exist, because he is not the one before.

They don't tell you how hard it will be to not eye your new partner every time he is on his phone. That you'll have to unlearn the paranoia and the mistrust. That the best thing you can do is pray that you'll never find photos and conversations that could ruin marriages and lives. Like the ones you found before. And you won't. Because he is not the one before.

They don't tell you about the fight you'll have with yourself about remaining independent. How long did you work for it? How hard did you gnash your teeth to drag your broken body up off the ground, shaking as you come to your feet? And now part of you wants to soften for the Right Love. Which you did in the previous life, but he was the Wrong. Reminders encircle your life from the last time you took down your wall. Part of you wants to lash and scream for the strength you had to muster all on your own. But you will find compromise, and you will melt into him and be strong together, because he is not the one before.

They don't tell you how clear it will be that you've found the last man you'll ever date. They don't tell you that you had to suffer and be torn apart to know. How can you recognize the warmth of light if you've never sat in darkness? It will be easy. It will flow as natural as the river. He will be the perfect compliment, and there will be no hard edges that scrape and cut into each other. And it will be your greatest Love. Because he is not the one before.