7 Things to Do When You Mentally Feel Like S^&t

I don't know about you, but 2015 was a tough year. It had me on the ropes every other day, my entire life was flipped upside down nine days into it, and here I am at the end, much better off than at the beginning. But wow. Some of these past 365 days have been the hardest of my adult life. I don't know about you, but I need a year nap. See you in 2017, don't fucking vote for Trump.

If only. Here are 7 of my favorite, specific things to do when I am at the lowest of my lows, and all have a 100% success rate of making me feel better. Hope you can take something away from this and give it a shot!

1. Watch Bo Burnham's "What." This is approximately 1 hour of dry, passive comedic excellence. Bo Burnham is a young comedic genius. I turn this on (Netflix y'all) quite frequently when I feel awful. My boyfriend adores it as well, as does my sister. It is unbeatable. Caution: the first time I watched it, I did not like it and now I am OBSESSED. Sit through the whole thing; I don't know why the first watch doesn't feel right, but I have heard the same thing from other Bo lovers. First watch was rough, but now they love it. Maybe it's subliminal messaging. Who knows. But it is epic, and it is amazing. An absolute mood-fixer.

2. Listen to "Go Getter Greg", By Ludo. On option when you are short on time. This song has never failed to have me bee-bopping around by the first round of the chorus, even when I am in the shittiest of moods. It's funny, catchy, silly, creepy, and has a great tune. It's only a few minutes, what do you have to lose?!

3. Go To a Bakery. I mean...you know where this is going. Why going to a bakery will make you feel better: there is coffee, there are baked goods, and REAL bakeries have that adorably cute, quaint feeling inside. The food in the display case is beautiful and coordinated, there are giant chalkboard menus with little doodles, maybe there are a few tables inside that look older than you. An atmosphere that sweet, paired with a treat, can probably take your mind off of whatever is going on, even for a little bit.

4. Take a Shower or Bath. Sometimes something as simple as getting clean can make the biggest difference. Baths obviously have the added relaxation effect. You may even want to throw in a glass of wine with the bath or heeeeey a shower beer! Who doesn't love a good shower beer? If you've got great soap, even the aromatic effects can be a bit of a stress reliever.

5. Color a Picture. It isn't silly; adult coloring books (not naughty ones, get your head out of the gutter) are totally a thing now. They have caught on as a stress reliever because they WORK. You give yourself an hour, put aside your phone, turn off the TV, get rid of distractions and just pay attention to coloring. For one hour, the hardest decision you have to make is what color to make that leaf. It's fantastic! Widely available at Barnes & Noble.

6. Watch a Charlie Brown Movie. As I type this, I am about to partake in this special number six. I am tired, I had four patients today, I haven't eaten, my dog pulled dirty laundry out of my hamper while I was at work, it's cold, my boyfriend has to work all day...so yes. I feel like s*&t and am going to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas. This is a great feel good activity because Charlie Brown's character was created to have accentuated flaws and personality traits that everyone can relate to, AND BOY DO I. So by watching this, I can feel empathy for my man Chuck, laugh at the silly things they all say, and feel a twinge of nostalgia about watching this movie in years past.

7. Call Your Mother. Even if you refuse to admit it to yourself, this works like a charm. Mothers have magical powers of logic, reason, and comfort. They can answer the questions you didn't know you had and remind you of your worth. They can explain to you the why and lay out for you how and when it will get better. Moms have all the right words and put them in the right order. Call your mother. She loves you.

NPC Bikini Prep: My Own Way

My NPC Bikini prep officially starts Monday, November 30th. My show is APril 30th, 2016, giving me a nice 20 weeks to cut down and get my muscles showing! Since June, I have been doing a lot of reading and research about prep successes and failures, what common beliefs are, and different practices. So I am going to outline my approach, and touch on a few things I think are key for keeping my (and my boyfriend's) sanity over the next 20 weeks.

• No Coach. Yeah, so I am doing this coach-less, for a reason. I think that it is completely possible to educate yourself enough to handle creating your own nutrition and training plan to be stage ready. I am giving myself plenty of time to experiment with what works and what doesn't. I do not think I am an expert or all knowing at all, but I would much rather hold complete responsibility for how I perform in my hands, instead of trusting someone else to direct my body this way and that way. I also think this will be helpful in keeping me from feeling stressed out about disappointing someone that made goals for me. They are MY goals, the only person I am responsible to is MYSELF.

• Bikini. My bikini will be a custom made treasure from Glamfit Biknis, I am OBSESSED with everything they have ever made, I know they are the right choice for me.

• Training Plan. This is probably where a lot of experimentation is going to come in; currently my plan is to maintain The Cube Method (powerlifting) 3x days a week with 2x hypertrophy days. All non-leg days will include 15 minutes of HITT (high intensity interval training) at the end to get going on cardio, This still gives me 2x REST DAYS a week. This is going to be 20 weeks of work, I don't want to burn out in the beginning, rest is crucial. After the first month, I will see what kind of progress my body has made and will look at adding in more cardio. Ideally, I want to keep strength training the entire time; I enjoy it and I believe that one does not have to make themselves miserable with hypertrophy and cardio to maintain a stage body. This is my first time though, so again, it is all an experiment.

• Nutrition. Some of my key nutrition points: Alcohol intake will be dropped to once a week, and on that day the limit will be two drinks. My starting calories on November 30th will be 1890, and while I will be decreasing them slowly over these 20 weeks, I will NOT drop below 1600. I am an active woman, and I am not looking to starve myself. If I can't achieve a stage body without undereating, then I don't want it. I want to enjoy this process, and being hungry all the time is not something I am willing to do. Again, science tells me that I can lean out and still eat plenty with the right macros and the right level of activity, and that is what I am after.

• My Weaknesses. 
• French fries. Boy, do I looooove french fries. And I know this! I know and identify it was a weakness, therefore I have already planned to tackle it with...Veggie Straws!! Veggies Straws really do taste like french fries and they have an even better crunch. They aren't super healthy, but they are still MUCH healthier than french fries and will be a great substitute when the craving kicks in.
• Ordering out. Chicago is the mecca of delivery food. My boyfriend and I made an agreement when we moved here that we will never eat at the same place twice, there's literally that many places to choose from. And it's so tempting, and so easy...so will we completely stop ordering out? No. If he wants something from somewhere that I can't macro, I simply will just eat something else. I have to stay determined and on my path, but without having to make my love suffer through cutting too :) 
• Sweets. I have a sweet tooth and I am not ashamed. Candy is awesome. My fix for this is allowing myself to actually have candy. Small doses...tracked doses. Completely cutting out a food can often lead to an over-indulgence. So a little bit here and there will be factored in.

The most important thing I want you to remember if you read this whole thing is that I will not at any point starve myself or let my caloric intake be at an unhealthy level; my boyfriend and I have discussed this many times, and I am set on that. If I can't get cut enough by eating a normal amount, I simply won't continue; I do not support any program or "coach" that recommends meal plans under 1600 calories a day, it just isn't healthy. I believe that this can be done with IIFYM and strength training, and I'm here to prove it! #eatingisntcheating #NPCbikini #bikiniprep

The Cube Method: A Review

From September 15th, 2015 to November 13th, 2015, I conducted a cycle of The Cube Method.

The Cube Method was created by Brandon Lilly and is designed for powerlifting. With that knowledge, my goal was obviously to come out of the program stronger on my three main lifts: bench press, deadlift, and squat. Brandon Lilly created this program as a way to "return to his roots", meaning going back to the basics of lifting. With all the different programs that exist, it is easy to drown in variations of lifts and too many reps and sets; The Cube Method is basic, and wants you to pick a heavy thing up off the ground and put it back down, and ten weeks later be able to pick up a slightly heavier thing. The program is simplified, centered around the compound barbell lifts. So let's look at the pieces that made up my cycle.

The Online Calculator/Program: I used a calculator on Iron Beast to figure out my 10 week cycle, and it is the most excellent calculator I have seen so far. As usual, you input your current 1RM and it then figures out, week by week, what you need to lift to increase strength. What I makes it the best though is that it has a space for you to input the plates you have available, making it even easier to lift than ever before by telling you what plates to grab each day! No math! Yay! This calculator also allows you to select 3-5 accessory lifts and suggests choosing a Strongman lift for every training day to compliment The Cube Training and I think that is just fantastic. Personally, I came into The Cube Method after a year or so of mostly hypertrophy, so adding in the strongman lift/training was fun and new for me. It also allows you to choose between 3 and 4 training days; if you opt for 3, you will only do compound lift-focused days. If you choose 4, like I did, you have one day dedicated to your personal weaknesses.

The Layout: The layout of this program is very well thought out; every week you will bench, deadlift, and squat, but it varies as to whether those lifts will be Heavy, Explosive, or for Rep work. Example: one week you will do Heavy Squats one day, Explosive Bench another day, and Rep Bench another. Progressively your percentages increase throughout the cycle from 80% on heavy days to 95%,  70% on rep days to 85%, and 65% on explosive days to 75%. It is very doable if you put in the work. Every training day I felt like I was really pushing and getting stronger. Not everyday was perfect, but every week I noticed one of my lifts getting stronger. It is tough to see improved strength on three different compound lifts all in one week, but in the cycle overall I definitely saw strength increases.

My Results: Because I am equal parts impatient and uneducated as a lifter stiller, I PR-ed a week early. I had a rough deadlift PR day and did not increase my 1RM but DID increase a few rep maxes which was awesome. Same for my bench, I didn't increase my 1RM (out of fear of crushing myself without a spotter), but my rep maxes did increase, and my form also got a lot better. My bench 1RM increased by 5 pounds and I felt really strong with that rep, and probably could have gone higher. 

How It Compares: I have done Smolov Jr, MADCOW, and 5/3/1, as far as other training programs go. In comparison, this program is an intermediate level program, much like 5/3/1. The other two programs are great, but the volume within them is that you see in a more beginner strength program. If you've done 5/3/1, maybe try out Cube.  No dings on 5/3/1 though, that program stands its ground, I just prefer Cube (currently).

The Cube Method is a great training program, so great in fact that I am doing another cycle, this time so I can PR on the right week :). I have already noticed that the lifts for the first week are easier and I feel stronger than when I did it the first time. I am excited to see where I am at in 10 weeks.

On Body Image

The first time I ever thought to myself, "I'm fat" was when I was 15 years old. That seems pretty good these days, when you consider the fact that 40-60% of elementary school-aged girls (ages 6-12) are concerned with their weight or think they are fat (nationaleatingdisorders.org). Where have we gone wrong as a society that prides itself on progression that children are concerned with getting fat? Who did they hear it from? Where did they see it? How do they even know what classifies someone as fat? Truth is, they do not. A child does not understand Body Mass Index or obesity and the health issues it can lead to; they understand and value what they are told to value.

How does this happen? How did thinness even become something to value? 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from a clinically significant eating disorder at some point in their life (Wade, Keski-Rahkonen, & Hudson, 2011). What is it about body image that makes it so powerful that it can control a life, and even end it?

The image of the "ideal woman" has always been connected to what is difficult to achieve, to what is rare. A fuller, curvier figure was worshiped during times in human history when food was sparse, so one had to be wealthy and high in society to be able to have access to an amount of food necessary to achieve a full figure. Today, being overweight is more the norm, thus those who are thinner are the ones who have achieved the now rare body form...how silly. Our society chooses what is held in high regard based on what is harder to achieve. It is arbitrary, and it ruins lives.

Eating disorders and disordered eating habits can also manifest as symptoms other than simply just trying to lose weight in a drastic manner; when I was 16, I went through my "middle child syndrome" pretty heavily, and I believe that I developed disordered eating habits as a way to get more attention. I didn't initially care about losing weight, but in the end I became addicted to it, because simply not eating worked so well. I received the attention I so desired, but only because I lost so much weight so quickly that my family was concerned. I am thankful that I eventually just grew out of it and returned to a normal weight range.

Skip ahead a decade to June 2014, when I deployed to Kuwait. At 5'9", I was 185 pounds, and felt fine with it. I was capable of doing all of the physical demands the Army placed on me, albeit at a mediocre level. I liked myself, though. A size 10-12, waist 31, I generally felt pretty good and had no desire to try and lose weight. As long as I could remember I had been eating and drinking without a care. That summer, though, I picked up the habit of lifting weights. Just for something to do while deployed. It was fun, and in a couple of months I started to lose weight. I added in running a few days a week, lost more weight, and became obsessed. I was commended for my lifestyle changes, my Chain of Command sent me back to the U.S. to participate in the O/A Ranger Assessment due to my new found physique and abilities. I weighed myself everyday, sometimes more than once. I'm embarrassed to put this into words now, but it is important. Getting smaller was all I thought about while deployed. I woke up at 4 am to go to the gym for 1.5 hours. I never restricted what I ate; I just worked in an excessive manner; walking 7+ miles a day, and then working out on top of that. When I left Kuwait, I weight around 145 pounds, and I worshiped it. I came home and felt fulfilled every time someone told me how small I was. I tried to hide it from my boyfriend, but he is too bright to trick. Over the past nine months, he has given me pep talk after pep talk to bring me back to reality, and I really do believe he is what has kept me from spiraling down into an eating disorder. Since coming back and getting my head right again, I have let go of trying to lose weight and put my focus on getting stronger, and have I ever! I am usually okay with the weight I have gained back because it has been an insignificant few pounds, but my mentality is much healthier. At the end of the deployment, I could feel myself losing the fun and enjoyment in lifting, because my priority became taking up less space. Sometimes there are still days where I panic and want to fall back into an obsession, but my supportive love and the logic he helps me hang on to keeps me from doing so.

So how does this happen? Where does self-hatred come from, and what does it feed off of? Body Dysmorphia is an obsessive focus on a perceived flaw of one's appearance. People who suffer from body dymorphia fix on an aspect of themselves and hate it. It is so unhealthy and toxic to hate a part of yourself, and so unnecessary. The world has created arbitrary right and left limits of what is acceptable and what is not, what is beautiful and thus cherished, and what is less attractive. When a person decides to use these limits imposed upon them as a means to judge themselves, they step onto a dangerous slope. The healthiest way to develop your own reasonable standards of what is healthy and aesthetic is to first know the basic facts about what body fat percentage is under the Obesity mark for your height, and then factor in what your overall health goal is. Being in the "overweight" range doesn't necessarily mean you are any of the negative things you associate with being overweight. Powerlifters and bodybuilders are often at a higher weight than a runner of comparable stature. It all depends on goals.

Let's talk about #everybodyisbeautiful and #healthyatanysize. While I believe this body positivity movement is incredibly important and a step in the right direction, I think that sometimes it is misconstrued into an excuse for indiscipline. Healthy At Any Size should not be used as a blanket statement to justify accepting obesity. Frankly, obesity is NOT healthy. This is not about fat or thin. Obesity is a clinical issue that leads to various health issues that are very serious and can result in death. Yes, we need to move away from the worship of the Kate Moss waif figure and just let men and women experiment with their own health and find what works for them, but that does not mean we should be creating hashtags and grassroots movements that allow people suffering from obesity to shrug off responsibility and eat their way to a slow death. Or a fast one. I don't know how fast heart disease or diabetes kills you, but neither sound too great.

In the end, it comes back to being rational. Whether you have it in your head that you should be rain thin or you have decided that you can be 50% body fat because #bodypositivity, you owe it to yourself to step back and look at science. All logic comes from facts. Do the research about your body, what makes up your body, and what is an optimal make up for you to live a long and healthy life.

Holiday Season is Upon Us!

Happy holidays everyone! We are knee deep in my favorite time of year, people. If you are lucky enough to already be graced with shimmering snow covering your ground, I am jealous. Chicago is trying to hold on to summer as long as possible, but eventually it will crumble under Mr. Winter's frigged embrace...I CAN'T WAIT. Now now, I am not about to skip right over to red and green and Fa-la-la, the month of November can be filled with holiday cheer without relating it to Christmas (although I did buy our stockings on November 1st...whatever.) Here are a few the things I will be doing this month to ensure that my insides explode with holiday sparkles and joy.

This is probably the most important. #CharlieBrown is my jam, and a holiday is not truly celebrated unless the accompanying Charlie Brown film is viewed. Charlie Brown is a man ahead of his time...but I digress. This wonderful gift of entertainment is heart warming and pretty funny, I encourage you to kick off the holiday season with a viewing, and of course watch it ON #Thanksgiving. Side note, does anyone else find cartoon food more tantalizing than real food? No? Just me? Okay...moving on...

The Chicago ice rinks open on November 27th, I am on the edge of my seat day by day. This activity seems to hold so much cheerful wonder in it, I may burst on site. The lights, the night sky, the glinting snow in the background, children laughing...I am mesmerized. Now, I am 1) not good at ice skating and 2) I don't particularly like it, but maybe that's because I have never done it outside! I am prepared to be wowed. If you live in a city with an outdoor rink, grab a loved one or a cherished friend and go ice skating for a night! If you do not have an ice rink....come to CHICAGO WE HAVE SO MANY. Or, here are a few options: snow shoeing, sledding, building a snowman or fort, etc...you owe it to yourself to get outside, even though it is cold, have fun, and enjoy the beauty and love of the holidays.

LIGHTS FESTIVAL!!! Now, most cities, big and small, have some sort of light festival or show to go see; even the small town where I grew up with roughly 20,000 people has a pretty magnificent light extravaganza; Chicago...well, Chicago has quite the light festival, pictured above, on November 21st and yes I will be there to hug Mickey Mouse. Allow yourself to be in awe and see the beauty in how lights look, see if they bring up any nostalgic feelings, and enjoy the show.

Oh, how I love holiday food...yesterday I read that the average American gains 10-15 pounds from October 31st to December 31st...hahahaha and that's OKAY because food is awesome! I love holiday food; everything is so rich and creamy. The sweets, chocolates, cheeses, breads, meats...it never ends. My dream is to one day attend a feast like that seen in the great hall at Hogwarts. The holidays are a perfect time to experiment with delicious baking recipes you've been wanting to try, you'll have plenty of willing people to test it on! Keep an eye on my Instagram account, @smashleymmac, for holiday recipes, I'll be posting one every week until New Years Eve! The recipe for the picture above, #BakedBrie, is being posted today, yay!

All holiday details and activities absolutely include the involvement of loved ones; spend time with the ones you cherish and let them know how much you appreciate them, enjoy their company, learn something new about one and other, and laugh a lot. Until next time!

Four Basic Tips for Starting a Fitness Journey

So you’ve decided you want to become more fit than your current self. That’s great. But where do you go from here? What do you need to get started? Embarking on a fitness journey is multifaceted and tough to figure out. While my keys to success listed below are definitely essential, they are not all-encompassing, and there will be more pieces of your journey that you need to figure out and pull together along the way. But here are some things to keep in mind right off the bat.

1.       Commitment.

Yeah, you need to put a ring on it. Really. Training programs and new eating habits do NOT just happen. Whatever it is you choose to do, you need to set it in your mind that from here on out, you are doing it and that is that. Harsh advice is sometimes the most honest, so here it is: if you struggle with going to the gym as often as you said you would, or you can’t keep the diet you made for yourself, it is because you are not committed enough. Any failures in not being able to keep up with your training or diet, short of a medical issue, is a personal issue with priorities. So before you write out your new diet or training program, have a conversation with yourself and make sure you are ready and willing to make sacrifices and maybe do things you weren’t comfortable doing before; after you have the commitment solidified, it really is easy to stick to, it just becomes routine.

2.        Support System.

Have you ever done something with a big impact on your life, or made a significant decision without discussing it with someone or having someone to talk to that can be empathetic and understand what you are going through? What about stress? Do you enjoy not having anyone to talk to about a thing that is really stressing you out? I didn’t think so. Surrounding yourself with a few like-minded people who are on their own fitness journey or at least understand what you’ve decided to do and the hiccups you experience is so important; this doesn’t mean convincing your significant other to get on your plan and change their diet as well, but it definitely means discussing with them the changes you are going to make and ask them to support you along the way. You don’t want to do this alone, friend. If you are the kind of person who wants a gym buddy in person or at least someone to talk to about your workouts or new #protein recipes, turn to the fitness community! Everyone is very welcoming, and my goodness is it vast. If #Crossfit is your thing, you’ll have no issue, the Crossfit community is huge and very friendly and supportive. Personally, I have been a part of the #Crush60 community for about half a year, and it is amazing. Everyone is very encouraging and there’s always someone to talk to, because Crush is available on all social media platforms. Note: thank you, Ben Williamson. Anyway. Set yourself up with a good support system before you overhaul your life, it will save you in the end.

3.       Plan Out Your Training.

An effective training plan is just that; PLANNED. They are step by step, consistent, and build on each day you train. Every day of training is meant to fit in with the others to work together to help you achieve your progress; when I first started weight lifting, I had no plan and no idea what I was doing. I would go into the gym and do some arm exercises for 5x5, then next time some leg stuff for 3x10, but I had no idea how my repetition and set combinations were supposed to be structured to work together. It does matter. Different reps paired with a different amount of sets will lead you to a different end state, whether you are after building strength or changing your aesthetic. You also have to take into account what kind of split you are doing, for example, body part split (legs one day, arms another day, back, etc), a push and pull split, or a designated day for each compound lift (deadlifts, bench press, squat, etc). DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. And do a lot of it. Experiment with well-known programs that you think might fit your goals. I recommend looking at bodybuilding.com, t-nation.com, and also researching The Cube Method, 5/3/1, and Smolov. These resources should get you started on planning your training. If you are not comfortable planning your own training, you can always consult with a trusted friend or look around for a personal trainer.

4. Workout in Clothes that Make You Feel Great

This is a serious topic, and a simple one; when you think you look good, then you feel good. When you feel good about yourself, you are motivated. When you are motivated, you perform better. Plain and simple. There is no sillier distraction than being concerned with how you look while trying to lift. Recommendations: Lululemon. Lululemon is my favorite lifting gear. Very pricey, but I have never found leggings that are as great for lifting. No underwear lines, never see through. Worth every penny. Nike. My only issue with Nike is the leggings can be sheer when squatting or deadlifting. V3 Apparel. V3 Apparel has very cute tanks, shorts, and leggings for women. Check them out. BroScience. For your silliest lifting attire, check out some BroScience Gear...you won't regret it.

II hope that if you made it through this post, you have taken away a little piece of knowledge to help you on your way! Happy Thursday, enjoy the weekend!

2015 Fall Obsessions: Stay Warm and Pretty!

It's October 16th, 2015 and a cloudy 52 degrees in the great city of Chicago, Illinois. I am ecstatic. Fall is absolutely my favorite season. While I do love wearing sundresses on 80 degree days and basking in the sun by the pool, I would trade every summer to get an extra few months of Autumn.

What is about Autumn? For me, it's a few things that wrap up together to make the perfect atmosphere.

1. The general overcast skies of the Midwest during Autumn paired with the 45-60 degree days lets me bring out my favorite pieces from my wardrobe; well made jeans, sweaters, scarves, hats, and of course, boots/booties. Black ones, brown ones, leather ones, suede ones, knee length, calf length, ankle length, boots with straps, boots with buckles...I cannot get enough of them! I tip my hat to the boot Gods of Steve Madden, Dolce Vita, Frye, Hunter, and yes, even Uggs for the especially snowy days.

2. The food! Fall food, what comes to mind? Coffee, tea, spices, soups, roasts, turkeys, mashed potatoes, every type of casserole, warm desserts, cold desserts, you name it, I'll eat it.

3. The activities. A simple walk or stroll is turned up a notch during fall, as you are surrounded by dark reds and beautifully changing leaves, watching them fall and hearing them crunch under your feet.

So what's not to love? Here are a few of my obsessions this fall to stay chic and warm all season long.

My current favorite coffee! A simple latte with a little cinnamon sprinkled on top, from Ellipsis Coffeehouse, located in Edgewater, Check them out! #Ellipsiscoffeehouse # Chicagocoffee

My absolute favorite sweater, courtesy of Nasty Gal. Very high quality cable knit, the most perfect off the shoulder touch, and a lovely v-neck shaped back. If you love it, here's the link! http://www.nastygal.com/clothes-sweaters/nasty-gal-drop-it-sweater #nastygal

No Fall would be liveable without the perfect slippers. Say what you want about Ugg and their boots, but THESE my friends are the best slippers you could ever find. #Ugg

Last but not least, a little bit of boot...not even technically a boot, but a clog. I don't care, these are perfect, I am obsessed, and they will be my next shoe purchase. Matisse/Kate Bosworth collaboration, brilliant. #boots #Matisse

Let me know about your fall favorites in the comments!

Moving to Chicago: Am I Crazy?

I am 26 years old, and I am completely starting my life over.

In May 2011,  graduated from UW-Madison and commissioned a 2nd Lieutenant in the U.S. Army. After that day, my life was no longer mine. The Army now controlled where I lived, how long I lived there, how much (or how little) I slept, when I needed to be set away for specialty training, who I could be friends with, how often I saw my family, basically every piece of my life. For four years, I ebbed and flowed as the Army told me to, and while I did it professionally, I always knew that this was not the life for me. So when the opportunity presented itself, I ended the relationship. U.S. Army, we are never ever ever ever, getting back together.

So here I am. Free for roughly six days so far, getting ready to finally leave Kansas. Kansas! This has never been the place for me. Give me bright lights, broadway shows every weekend, a body of water to stroll along, a diverse population, four varied seasons, and a new coffee shop to go to everyday, and I will thrive. Kansas, my friends, has none of these things. It has been a mismatch from the start, and I must leave. But you know what city fits the bill?

Chicago.

Even thinking the name now is a breeze of crisp air blowing across the leaf-laden ground of my exciting future. For so long I have been tied up in a daft uniform, not allowed to express myself or chase my dreams Now is my chance! Come along with me as I immerse myself back into the world of fashion, beauty, travel, food, and of course, fitness. Who knows, maybe along the way you'll learn something, or at least laugh a bit?